Over the years, I have photographed a lot of families. Weddings, babies, birthdays, anniversaries and all of the wonderful milestones that fill a family’s photo albums.
But lately, I have found myself thinking about something quite different.
I have been to quite a few funerals of friends’ parents and yes my own mothers, and there is something I have noticed at almost every one.
There is a slideshow.
Hundreds of photographs might flash across the screen. Holidays, Christmas mornings, family gatherings, birthdays, selfies, phone photos, funny moments and everyday snapshots.
And yet, very often, there isn't a single beautiful, standalone portrait of the person who has passed away.
Not a photograph where they are simply themselves.
A photograph of Mum or Dad, Grandma or Grandpa, looking healthy, happy and comfortable in their own skin.
A photograph that could be printed, framed and placed somewhere special in the family home.
We take photographs of everything — except the people we love
We live in a time when we probably take more photographs than any generation before us.
Our phones are full of them.
But quantity doesn't necessarily mean we have the photographs we will treasure most.
We have photographs of people laughing around the dinner table. We have photographs taken at Christmas. We have photographs from holidays and family gatherings.
And, of course, we have countless selfies.
But sometimes, when someone becomes seriously ill, the photographs suddenly change.
There are photographs taken in hospital.
Photographs beside a bed.
Photographs when they are very frail.
And sometimes, when everyone realises that time is running out, there is a rush to take as many photographs as possible.
Those photographs have enormous emotional value. They absolutely should be kept.
But they are photographs of a difficult time.
They aren't necessarily how we want to remember that person.
Remember them as they were
Think about your own children for a moment.
When they are grown up, wouldn't you want them to have a beautiful photograph of you from the years when they remember you as Mum or Dad?
And think about your grandchildren.
Wouldn't it be wonderful for them to have a portrait of their grandmother or grandfather looking healthy, happy and full of life?
Not necessarily a stiff, formal studio portrait.
Just a beautiful photograph that captures who they are.
Their smile.
Their personality.
The way they look at you.
Perhaps sitting in their favourite chair. Perhaps in the garden. Perhaps with their partner. Perhaps simply dressed in something they feel good wearing.
Something that says:
This is Grandma.
This is Grandpa.
This is Mum.
This is Dad.
And one day, that photograph may become incredibly precious.
It doesn't have to be a "special occasion"
One of the reasons people put this sort of thing off is that they think there needs to be a reason.
A birthday.
A milestone.
A wedding anniversary.
Christmas.
But perhaps the reason is simply now.
You don't need to wait until someone turns 80 or 90.
You don't need to wait until they are unwell.
And you certainly don't need to wait until someone says, "We should really get some nice photos of Mum and Dad."
Because sometimes, by the time we get around to it, it is too late.
A portrait session doesn't have to be complicated or intimidating either.
It can be relaxed.
It can be fun.
It can be somewhere they feel comfortable.
And it doesn't have to look like a traditional old-fashioned studio portrait.
The aim is simply to create photographs that genuinely look like them, at this point in their lives.
The photograph on the mantelpiece
There is something different about having a photograph printed.
We have become so used to photographs living on phones and computers that we sometimes forget how special it is to have a real photograph sitting in a frame.
Imagine years from now, your children or grandchildren walking past a photograph on the mantelpiece.
They might not remember every photograph from the slideshow.
They might not even remember exactly when the portrait was taken.
But they will see that face.
They will see the person they knew.
And they will have something tangible to hold onto.
That is the real value of a portrait.
It isn't really about having a "nice photo."
It is about preserving someone's presence in your family.
Don't wait for the perfect time
There will always be a reason to put it off.
Mum doesn't like having her photograph taken.
Dad says he doesn't need one.
They've both put on a little weight.
Their hair isn't quite right.
They'll do it another time.
And perhaps they will.
But sometimes "another time" doesn't come.
So if your parents are still here, still healthy, and still themselves, perhaps now is actually the perfect time.
Give them the experience of having a beautiful portrait taken together.
Give yourself the photographs.
And, perhaps most importantly, give your children and grandchildren something they will be able to treasure long after the moment has passed.
Because one day, that photograph may be worth far more than you ever imagined.
**Don't wait until you need a photograph of them.
Take the photograph while they are still here, healthy and smiling.**
That is the photograph you will be glad you have.
